Macabre Disasters
by Willihem
Summary: this is what would've happened if Kingdom Hearts characters were to be the cast of Rocky Horror Picture Show. some things will be understandably different, and rated M for graphic smut scenes. reading smut is optional.
1. Beginning

**Disclaimer:** in another time in a another place in another demension in another generation in another parallel universe, i own both RHPS and Kingdom Hearts. But in another time in a another place in another demension in another generation in another parallel universe, i'm also a 3 year old boy prodigy with a binky complex. since i am most certainly not, we can all know that i don't own Frankie, Zexion, Demyx, or Sora *sob*.

**Author notes:** _Science fiction **(ooh ooh ooh)** double feature  
Doctor X **(ooh ooh ooh)** will build a creature  
See androids fighting **(ooh ooh ooh)** Demyx and Zexion  
Anne Francis stars in **(ooh ooh ooh)** Forbidden Planet  
Wo oh oh oh oh oh  
At the late night, double feature, picture show_  
*ahem* so, this was a little plot baby that done hit me upside my head. i've recently been re-obsessed with KH2 and have now secured Zemyx (ZexionxDemyx) as my OTP, and was watching the Rocky Horror Picture Show when WUHBAM! i fell from my chair laughing after thinking "Hmm, i wonder if i could replace the character with organization XIII members?" after regaining my dignity and setting myself within my chair again, i began with the cast. i'll be posting a list later after every chapter when new characters are introduced so you can keep track.

**Dedications:** i have the beautiful, talented, and mocho smexy Tearahlovelen to thank for the most enthusiastic response to my bouncing baby plot. she is my wifey and good friend who helps me through getting everything involving how to post and how some things should go. hugs and kisses dear, here's to you! XOXOXO

* * *

Chapter 1

Riku was the epitome of what every bride should be on her wedding day; that is to say he was all aglow, his long, Cinderella style white dress dragging the floor of the bridal suite of the church as he paced anxiously. Zexion watched with an amused eye as the bridesmaids all trailed after him, giggling congratulations and reassurances to the blushing bride.

"But what if he changes his mind!? Aerith, what if he laughs at me?! It did take a whole lot of convincing for him to agree to the dress…" Riku was fretfully combing shaky fingers through his silver locks, turning to the eldest of the maids. Unlike the others, Aerith was already married happily. With kids, even.

"Now now, I felt just like you on my big day…although, the dress part is admittedly different…" the gentle brunette patted Riku on the back, ever the mother of their group.

A man with spiked blond hair poked his head in shyly. "Hey, is uh, is he ready?" Cloud shifted nervously outside the door.

"Well, I guess this is it girls. Wish me luck!" and with that, Zexion exited his brother's chambers to take his seat, a smirk playing across his lips.

Bells rang merrily through the air, the doors of Kingdom Baptist Church opening to let out the happy wedding guests along with the bride and groom onto the steps. Rice was flying everywhere as a short, plump man in a red hat asked for a picture. Posing closely together, Zexion humored Riku with an arm over his shoulders and a genuine smile as the squeaky voiced man and his hook handed partner took a photo op of the group.

Disengaging themselves from the crowd, the groom and his cousin Demyx headed to a quieter spot for a talk. Sora was grinning ear to ear as he punched Demyx's arm playfully.

"Well, we did it!" Sora cheered, gazing over at his bride in a tender expression.

"Not that's it's really surprising, you and Riku have been inseparable since you were little, especially during Professor Scott's refresher course!"

"Well to you tell the truth that's the only reason i went in the first place!" Sora gave another punch as they heard Riku announcing the bouquet throw. They watched as the bouquet flew through the air and landed in Zexion hand, which he had been using to explain whatever it was he'd been talking about.

Zexion stared at the flower arrangement as the rest of the girls groaned and giggled at their loss. Zexion simply blinked, bringing the fixture closer while trying to figure out what to do with it.

"Looks like you're next buddy!" Sora elbowed Demyx as the honeymoon car drove up with the words 'Wait till tonight! She got hers now he'll get his!' shaving creamed onto the side. Demyx stammered after Sora, who had left him with a wink.

As everyone else followed the car down the dirt road, Demyx hung back with Zexion, who had approached him. The slate hair man was still holding the bouquet, though whether out of endearment or subconscious coincidence Demyx couldn't tell.

"Can you believe it? They finally got hitched…" Zexion's fingers were tracing themselves over the waxy petals of a tulip within the bundle of wildflowers.

"Yeah, they're pretty lucky those two. I hear Riku's quite the little cook."

"Yeah"

"And Sora's all lined up for a promotion soon."

"Uh-huh…"

They walk in silence over toward the small graveyard that was at the edge of the small church's property before Demyx turned abruptly toward Zexion.

"Hey Zexy?"

"Yes Dem?"

"I really love the…skillful way…you accidentally caught the brides bouquet."

"Well, thanks…I think."

_The river was deep but I swam it, Janet  
The future is ours so let's plan it, Janet  
So please don't tell me to can it, Janet  
I've one thing to say and that's_

_Dammit, Janet, I love you..._

_The road was long but i ran it, Janet  
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it, Janet  
If there's one fool for you then I am it, Janet  
Now I've one thing to say and that's_

_Dammit, Janet, I love you..._

_Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker  
There's three ways that love can grow  
That's good, bad or mediocre  
Oh J-A-N-E-T I love you so_

_Oh it's nicer than Betty Munroe had, oh Brad  
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad, oh Brad  
That you've met Mum and you know Dad, oh Brad  
I've one thing to say and that's_

_Brad I'm mad for you too..._

_Oh Brad, Oh... dammit!  
I'm mad, Oh Janet!  
For you, I love you too  
There's one thing left to do, and that's_

_Go see the man who began it  
When we met in his science exam-it  
Made me give you the eye and then panic  
There's one thing to say and that's_

_Dammit, Janet, I love you..._

_Dammit Janet; Oh brad, I'm mad  
Dammit Janet; I love you!_

The two stood back and looked at each other, blinking.

"Did we just…?"

"…Who's Janet?"

"Who's Betty Munroe?!"

They stood staring for a few more moments before finally, Zexion broke the silence. "Promise me something."

"Yeah?"

"We never do that again."

"Agreed."

* * *

In the study of a studious criminologist, a screen baring the projected image of the wedding of Sora and Riku Strife was displayed in front of Luxord Gray, an expert, who then turns and begins a narration.

"I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey." Luxord lifted out of his armchair, walking over to a self brimming with books, taking out an exceptionally large, thick bound book and opening to a page that portrayed a picture of Demyx with a statement on the page opposite. "It was a fairly ordinary night when Demyx Strife and hi fiancée Zexion Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy kids, left Hollow Bastion that late November evening to visit a Dr. Vexen Scott; ex-tutor and now friend to both of them."

Luxord closed the book, leaning it on the desk in front of him. "It's true there were storm clouds- heavy, black, and pendulous- to which they were driving. It's also true that the spare tire they were carrying was badly in need of some air.

But uh, they being normal kids, and uh, on a night out; well, they weren't going to let storm spoil their evening…on a night out." Luxord closed his eyes, then opened them and looked forward as if looking into a camera.

"It was a night out they were going to remember for a very long time."

A man with an eye patch hanging in chains upside down in the corner of the room gazed nervously at Luxord. "…Dude, who are you talking to?"

* * *

**Cast: **  
Demyx: Brad (a hero)  
Zexion: Janet (a heroine)  
Luxord: criminologist (an expert)


	2. Actors to Your Places

**Disclaimer:** while tug-a-waring with Frankie over Zexion, i tripped down the elevator shaft and hit my head against a spike. that's why i still own nothing and have a giant spike sticking out of my head.

**Author Notes:** lol, i love writing this! though it is a short chapter, that's cause i want all the craziness to start next chap, so bear with me.  
on another note, i am still figuring my way around seeing as i've never done the whole chapter mess before...but i'm gonna have Tearahlovelen tutor me tomorrow (hopefully) and that will help my feeble brain.

please enjoy~! hugs and kisses yo!

* * *

Chapter 2

Heat blasted through the vents on de-frost of the little Honda©, its windshield wipers flicking across the windshield in quick, deliberate strokes. Two young males were starting to develop cabin fever inside the car, the rain drowning out the music being played on the radio. One slate haired man was sipping lazily from a juice box while a larger, blonde haired man drove with a slight irritation creeping into his sea blue eyes.

A motorcyclist roared past, capturing the amused gaze of Zexion. "That's the third one that's past us. They're really flirting with death, what with the weather like this." He gestured to the pouring torrents that pummeled the small vehicle.

"Yep, life's pretty cheap for that type." Demyx's eye twitched slightly. Although he loved Zexion, the car was starting to become claustrophobic after 10 hours of driving in the down pour.

Zexion leaned forward a bit, squinting in an attempt to see through the curtain of moisture. Eyes widening he slammed a hand against Demyx's chest with an exclamation of "STOP!!!" ending with both a bit startled and a very frightened Demyx.

"What?!" Demyx yelped before turning to notice the road block that barred him from the road that only moments ago he had been fully planning to continue traveling down. His eyes widened in shock at the close call before he sighed agitatedly and roughly rubbed at his head. "Where did that come from? More questionably, where'd the biker come from?"

"I presume it would be futile to try plowing through. Shall we back track, then?"

Demyx shifted the car into reverse, throwing an arm over the back of Zexion's seat to look back. There was a sound like a far off explosion and the car shook a little before stopping it's journey backwards.

"What was that…?" Zexion asked in a tone that was not quite worried nor exasperated. It was merely tired.

"Guess the tire's out. Damnit! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed!" Demyx slammed a fist against the wheel as Zexion rolls his eyes wearily. The evening was not going as planned and therefore it was very much trying his last nerve. "Well, you stay here and keep warm while I go for help."

Demyx began unbuckling his seat belt when Zexion's statement made him pause. "Where will you go in the middle of nowhere?"

Demyx tapped the wheel, trying to remember passing by something, anything…"Didn't we pass a castle back down the road?"

Zexion thought about this, and his reply was cut of by his betrothed speaking an idea "Maybe they have a phone we could use?"

"I'm going with you." Zexion unbuckled his seat belt, ignoring the protests the other man was giving him before saying "If you think I'm sitting out here and playing bait to every hobo and pervert within a 12 mile radius, you're lacking the brain I so graciously thought you had."

And so they both climbed out of the car, Zexion holding an old newspaper over his head so he would stay just a little drier; couldn't have his hair totally ruined, could we?

* * *

They arrived at the front gates after walking for what felt like ages, finding a foreboding sign attached there: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!

The two journeyed on, walking upon the path leading to the house. Zexion shivered, earning Demyx's arm around his shoulder. They then caught sight of the humungous mansion that loomed up over them. A feeling of relief passed over them as they began to quicken their steps.

"Sweet! We're almost there!!! Hey, do you hear singing?"

"Oh God, you're suffering hypothermia!" Zexion gazed up worriedly into his fiancée's face, looking for signs of deliria.

"No, really, it's something about a light or right…isn't there?" Demyx returned Zexion's gaze with equal concern. At that moment they had reached the doorway. Pulling Zexion closer, Demyx rang the bell.

* * *

"And so it seemed that fortune had smiled upon Demyx and Zexion, and that they had found the assistance that their plight required…or had they?" Luxord crossed over to a desk chair, seating himself comfortably, ignoring the freaked out Xigbar that was still chained to his ceiling. The prisoner was starting to fear for his life in a way that involved his "host's" sanity or apparent lack there of.

But who was he to call attention to himself and seal his fate?

* * *

The door was answered by a short, blond woman in a butler outfit that was skin tight and quite revealing. She stared at the two before speaking. "Hello…"

" Hi! My name is Demyx Strife, and this is my fiancée, Zexion Weiss. I wonder if you might help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road. Do you have a phone we might use?" Demyx said this all while feigning an appearance of true politeness. Inside he was quite literally freaking out:

'Holy craaaaap! She's so creepy oh my geeze I think I might pee myself gah I wish we'd stayed in the car!!! We might've ended up doing some of this, and some of that, and we'd DEFINITELY would have done some of THAT!!! Now I may never see Zexion naked much less under me-'

You get the picture.

"You're wet." The woman spoke with a lazy tone, staring at them with a look of boredom.

"Yes- it's raining." Zexion looked up to Demyx, a look of 'can we please make like a tree and leave?"

"Yes..." a crack of thunder and a bright flash of lightening revealed momentarily the motorbikes parked by the house. The woman's gaze flickered to them before settling back on the two still standing on the porch. "I think perhaps you better both come inside." She gestured into the house, stepping out of the way.

"You're too kind." Zexion mock smiled at the woman before looking back at Demyx with an evolved look of his prier one. This one was now screaming for them to turn tail and head back.

They of course did no such thing.

* * *

Larxene: Riff Raff (a handyman)


	3. Lights, Camera, Punchline

**Disclaimer:** i do not, however wonderful it'd be, own KH or RHPS. which menas no Roxas, Axel, Demyx, Zexion, or Sora for my lustful ravishing. (sad face)

**A/N:** so, this is LONG over due. i looked at the last update time and was like "HOLY POTATOES BATMAN, we need to get these people some lovely new chapters before i'm mauled!!!  
this is dedicated to everyone who keep reading and to **Tearahlovelen** (lol, i did that without looking's how talented i am) because it has the TIME WARP!!! lol, enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 3

"Demyx, what _is_ this place?" Zexion wrung his hands in an attempt to warm them. Because he wasn't scared, not at all; that sweat wasn't from fear, it was…he just had a cold is all.

"Probably a hunting lodge for rich weirdos. Yep, definitely a lodge. Is that a cactus?" Demyx examined the strange spiky plant before letting his eyes wander around the room. It was grand, with high ceilings and open decor. Everything was white, bathing them in a tangible light that surrounded them. It would have been beautiful if it wasn't so creepy feeling. It had a lifelessness to it that made the blonde shiver.

A slam brought them out of their reverie and they turned their attention to their blonde host…ess. She was in a tight tuxedo style jacket, tails reaching past her knees. It was fastened with a single button over a crème button up. It was left undone to reveal a red lacy brassiere. Her bottom half donned black tuxedo style shorts with red ruffled garters attached, holding up fishnet stockings. Incredibly tall black stilettos were worn upon her feet.

Demyx gulped, Zexion felt his mouth go dry. They were defiantly in some sort of terrifying, nutziod house if the butler dressed as a dominatrix was any clue.

"This way." The afore mentioned butler began leading them into the house. As the passed in front of the stairs, Zexion's ears perked to the sounds of muffled, euphoric voices to his left.

"Are you having a party?" Zexion, for the first time, preferred speaking instead of the silence pressing in upon them. It was just too creepy.

The butler paused in her silent tour and turned to her guests. "You've arrived on a rather special night. It's one of the master's affairs."

"Oh." Zexion exchanged a glance with Demyx. "Lucky him."

"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, WE"RE ALL LUCKY!!!" a pink haired maid(?) had been hiding against the railing of the stairs, and as he spoke he raised his head and swung a leg over the rail, sliding down as he giggled in a subdued, creepy fashion. The two unfortunate males stood in shock as the sight of his ruffles hit their eyes. (Yup, ruffles. As in crinoline. As in that puffy crap under square dancer skirts. Or maid outfits, as it were.)

The pink haired, blood red ruffle and maid outfit wearing man tossed an old-fashioned duster to the dominatrix style butler, who proceeded to break into song:

_  
"It's astounding;  
Time is fleeting;  
Madness takes its toll.  
But listen closely..."_At that moment the maid snuck up behind them_  
"Not for very much longer."_Butler lady took Zexion's chin between her fingers, redirecting him to her again:_  
"I've got to keep control._Then they both sang:_  
"And the void would be calling..."_They were rushed into a room, the doors opening up to a sort of ball room, everything still pristine and white. Before them stood a group of people, varying in size and shape, and color and…species? They all sang along on beat with the other two perfectly:_  
"Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again."_Somewhere far away in the office of Luxord Gray, the studios criminologist pulled down a dance diagram, pointing to the foot placement shown with a stick. Very seriously, he stated the movement:_  
"_It's just a jump to the left."Back to the room of (let's just be honest here) freaks:_  
"And then a step to the right."_Luxord again:_  
_"Put your hands on your hips."  
_  
_The crowd, as they had been singing, was doing the dance moves with gusto that would make a seasoned cheerleader jealous._  
"You bring your knees in tight.  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane.  
Let's do the time-warp again.  
Let's do the time-warp again."_The pink haired man leaned toward poor Zexion and Demyx, swinging from a pole at the top of the short stair case. He continued the song, leading the gentlemen along into the room. The blond butler followed after at an uncomfortable distance._  
_As the two serenaded them in duet, they came to a table where a plethora of food and drink. Zexion absent mindedly took a drink that was offered him, not even noticing when he downed a good amount in an attempt to quench his sudden thirst.  
The two other hosts now danced their way to a pretty blond, young man sitting atop a jut box, who began singing in their stead.

_"Well I was walking down the street_  
_just a-having a think_  
_When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink._  
_He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise._  
_He had a pickup truck, and the devil's eyes._  
_He stared at me and I felt a change._  
_Time meant nothing, never would again."_

As the song wound down, Zexion was dragged back up the short set of stairs by Demyx, the couple miserably on edge about the sanity of the mansion. When the song ended, every one of the strange partiers fell to the floor, unmoving as if they were wind up dolls.

Demyx and Zexion stood, staring at the strange scene before Zexion elbowed his groom.

"Say something." Ha whispered, clutching the now empty wine glass between his hands to stop their shaking. He tried to keep his voice down, so as not to gain the crowd's attention.

A thought that never seemed to cross the blonde's mind.

"Say!" all the guests sat up to stare curiously over at him. "Anyone here know the robot?" Zexion closed his eyes in frustration.

"Hey Demyx? Can we leave? I've got that distinct gut feeling I get when something is really, really screwy. Let's get out of here, yeah?"

"Get a grip Zexion, it's just a party." Demyx glanced over at his bride, worried. Had he just detected a hint of hysteria?

"Well I wanna go!" Zexion wasn't quite sure why his voice was hitting such a high, whiny octave. He was supposed to be done with puberty, damnit! He began backing up the small distance to the double doors, tugging Demyx with him.

"I still need to get to a phone, we need to let the professor know we're stuck." Demyx couldn't figure out what was wrong with his normally studious-as-a-librarian fiancée, and he was starting to become foul tempered.

"Then…ask a butler or someone!"

"Just a moment, Zexion! We don't wanna disturb their merry making."

"This isn't the Jr. Chamber of Commerce, Demyx!"

"Calm down, they're probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more...folk dancing." Demyx did a grand sweep with his gaze, the guests giggling for one reason or another.

"...Just like this is probably a hunting lodge, or how they might have a phone, or how dropping in on the professor _unannounced_ would be funner than simply calling him and getting informed on the damned road block that got us here?" Zexion glared many sharp objects at Demyx, lips flattened to a line and hands squeezing around the glass til they were white knuckled. What had gotten into him? He'd never been angry with Demyx.

The blond never got to respond, for at that moment his attention was tugged at by something within the room to their back. He did an about face, Zexion turning with him. The sound of shattering glass stifled the slate haired man's surpised gasp and resouned through the room.

They both stared in shock into the yellow eyes of a black cloaked figure.

* * *

Riff Raff: Larxene  
Magenta: Marluxia  
Columbia: Roxas


End file.
